Barbecue folks- BPOE- Best People on Earth

The Benevolent & Protective Order of Elks might think they have dibs on the acronym BPOE standing both for their name as well as what they think of their membership, but I am here to tell you they do not corner the market when it comes to having some mighty fine folks within their midst. Now I am not saying they don’t have some great people in their organization, on the contrary, what I am trying to say here is barbecue folks are some darn good people too.

In my short time dabbling in the competition barbecue circuit I can honestly say I have met some really nice people. Many of whom I am proud to call friends. The most interesting phenomenon I have observed is it is pretty much a gimme that while at a contest, you don’t have a lot of “free” time on your hands. You spend a relatively short period of time in person socializing with others, as people including yourself are often times busy with their own contest setup and prep.

But when you do have those fleeting moments to chat, it is as if you having been having conversations around the pit for years, and these are folks that you only see in person a few times a year. Now I realize that people communicate more than they used to with today’s social media, email and text messaging, but you get my point. Easy to talk to would be an understatement.

To further support my contention I can honestly state that I have personally observed teams that are always in the hunt to win giving advice and tips to new and or struggling teams at a contest. I have also watched as they genuinely cheer for and encourage the rest of the field at awards time. I have seen pitmasters with multiple awards under their belts walk through and entire contest grounds personally wishing the other teams good luck with their cook before the first turn-in.

Have you ever been to a contest and forgotten something or had a piece of equipment break or fail, I have observed this on numerous occasions and watched as other teams pulled together to make repairs or loan equipment to allow the affected team to participate. I have seem examples of teams flying in to cook a contest in another state and other teams bringing extra gear and supplies so they can cook.

I could devote an entire column on the good deeds done across the Country by barbecue folks, their organizations and charities and still probably not mention them all. If you don’t believe me, take a look around at the next big weather event or natural disaster and see if you can count the number of free meals served up by the blue smoke army. You’ll be impressed I assure you.

Additionally I have made the acquaintance of judges, contest reps, event organizers, as well as sanctioning body representatives and family members of opposing teams, good people all around I tell you. I have even been approached while at a contest or sent an email by a complete stranger (not for long) who has taken time to comment (both good and bad) on my columns and other scribblings. It makes me feel good to know someone is reading my stuff and even better to know they have enjoyed something I have written. Thanks for that folks. Many times, I find those conversations or email exchanges can become lengthy, as if we had been friends for years, and in a way, I think we have.

I guess what I am trying to say here is if you spend any time at all around the game of competition barbecue or even barbecue in general, I guarantee you’ll meet some mighty nice folks. I am thinking what we need here is a slogan or mantra like the Elks use without infringing on any copyright violations or getting any lawyers involved. I have noodled around with the idea for a while and as of today, have done nothing more than fill a scratch pad and make myself chuckle.

My acronym of BHSOTBPOE (barbecue has some of the best people on earth) is a bit long and makes little sense without the words being included. The phrase would be a little long for a bumper sticker and could possibly cause accidents as other drivers tried to get close enough to read the fine print so they would know what you are talking about.

So I guess it is back to the drawing board to come up with a catchy slogan that we can use to get our message across. It’s a good thing that the 2013 competition season is getting under way, I look forward to seeing my old friends and making new ones as well. Perhaps we can put our heads together and come up with something we can use, something catchy, something like, I’ll get by with a little help from my friends, but something tells me that too has already been used. 

Maryland: get out my wallet or get out of town?

Do you consider yourself fortunate to reside in the great State of Maryland, I used to. We have the ocean, farm fields, hills and mountains, some even call this “America in Miniature.” I myself have called Maryland my home for my entire life, but I am here to tell you, I am giving serious consideration to pulling stakes and moving on.

A statement such as this begs the question why? The answer is simple, Governor Martin “I wannabe the President” O’Malley and the rest of his henchmen which I have affectionately dubbed the Thieves on the Severn. Their collective lust for power, privilege and our money never ceases to amaze me. A shining example is the recent proposal to increase the tax that we, the citizenry currently pay for a gallon of gasoline.

Currently, we pay approximately 25 cents of every gallon in taxes,(approximately $6.25 every fill up) which judging from the latest claptrap out of Annapolis, just isn’t enough. Now through a series of smoke and mirror statements and news releases, they are trying to convince us, the hard working taxpayers of this state how paying more in taxes will be to our benefit and to the benefit of the greater good. To that I say BALDERDASH.

I recently read a document Marty sent out trying to drum up support for his latest money grab where The Governor begins by calling us his friend. That is the first mistake. Remember one of the first rules of being a parent is remembering you are the parent and not your kids friend? The same principles should apply here if not more, O’Malley is a person elected to do a job for the constituency, he is NOT MY FRIEND.

One thing Marty is however is a wordsmith. Right out of the Politician 101 handbook he invokes family and children into his heartwarming plea while telling us, “as a people, we spend $6.2 billion each year due to deteriorated roads and traffic.” Now I realize that Martin spends no time in traffic because his taxpayer funded SUV is equipped with a State Police driver and emergency equipment which is used to speed his eminence around the state without regard to the traffic the rest of us have to sit in. But I am quite sure he at least has to travel on the same roads that we do. I don’t know your opinion, but overall, I think the roads here in Maryland are in pretty good shape, especially when compared to some of the other states I have traveled in.

You’ll also notice how he says their brilliant money grab is going to “support 44,000 jobs” in the State. What does this mean? Your guess is as good as mine as I find the  exact same claim of “supporting 44,000 jobs” in at least 4 other places in propaganda I mean documents used to support the thieves contention.

Some of the other things concerning this proposal you would be interested to know is while they claim to be lowering the state tax on gas by 5 cents a gallon, they are in reality raising the price we will pay at the pump by a) indexing the tax to inflation and b) by applying a sales tax to the wholesale cost of gasoline.

I suppose we should all feel better knowing that they are only going to be taxing the big, nasty oil companies with their plan to apply a sales tax to the wholesale side of fuel as opposed to the retail side where we, the taxpaying consumer would feel it. You don’t have to be an economic wizard (as I am surely not) to know that if the oil company’s cost of a wholesale gallon goes up, they are most surely are going to pass the cost on to the consumer dontcha think. O’Malleys play here will be to blame the oil companies, not him, I wonder how he can keep a straight face?

Oh, and they are telling us they are going to put a “lockbox” provision into this newest form of non-armed robbery. This is inserted to make the common man (you and I) think that the monies procured will only be used for transportation purposes. However, their own literature gives them the loophole they need, “The transportation initiative proposed today also contains a “lockbox” provision that outlines a series of requirements that must be met in order to make any transfers from the Transportation Trust Fund, ensuring that revenue generated remains dedicated to transportation.” Gee, I wonder if it would be possible to ever use the money elsewhere? I believe O’Malley and senate President Mike Miller when they say the newly generated income will be in a secure “lockbox,” for the record, I also believe in the Easter Bunny.

Which brings me to a couple of questions of which I do not find the answers to in all of their slickly worded documents.

1)         Where is the money that was supposed to be in the Transportation fund and what special circumstance existed when the money was removed and squandered elsewhere?

2)         Last year they raised the tolls on all of the State’s highways, bridges and tunnels claiming that money was needed for the transportation fund, where has all of that money gone?

3)         Why not use some of the money we were told was going to be pouring into the State with the increased gaming supported by O’Mally and his forty thieves.

4)         How could our great state, which has been in the control of the democrats for the last 50 years or so, a party of which the boy wonder is a proud card carrying member, let our roads and bridges get into, what they now tell us is such deplorable condition? Surely it is the fault of Republican Governor Robert Erlich who occupied the governor’s mansion for a whole 4 years without any cooperation at all from the democratically controlled Statehouse. Can you say legalizing slots?

My questions if asked, would fall on deaf ears or be answered with a non-answer I am sure. The problem is Martin O’Mally is too busy resume building to worry about anything other than himself. He gallivants around the country jumping in front of anyone with a camera in his quest for the address of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Maryland residents be damned.

He paints himself as some sort of a progressive, caring, greeniac who is only concerned with the welfare of the common good and oh yea, and the children. He is a big advocate of wind power don’t you know? Oh, what I’ll bet you do not know is Michael Enright, O’Mallys former chief of staff is the managing director for the company that stands to get the contract for installing the wind generators off the shores of Ocean City, which of course will be subsidized by you guessed it, YOU AND I!

My head hurts, and so does my wallet as well as my, well let’s just call it my backside. I have to tell you, I never ever thought I would hear myself utter these words, I love it here, but I am getting sore and tired. Every year I have to work harder and harder to bring home less and less while these dolts in Annapolis and Washington from both sides of the isle continue to pick my pocket for the sole reason to use my hard earned money to keep themselves in office. I have had enough and have begun to explore my options.

Meanwhile, I see Martin O’Mally is scheduled to appear on Face the Nation again this weekend while he touts his latest progressive agenda and alleged accomplishments all in his quest to occupy the White House. I will watch with interest as the next 4 years unfold and he spars with Hillary for the top slot on the democratic presidential ticket. I am sure, if he is denied in 2016, the party will work out some type of deal for him, a Senate seat perhaps. Hopefully, by the time that occurs, Maryland will be nothing but a bad memory for me and my wallet. In the immortal words of Popeye, I‘ve had all I can stand and I can’t stands no more.

Pigchaser BBQ Sauce

a review.....................

WOW was all I could say when I received the carton from Ron Slawek from Grayslake, IL containing five bottles of his Pigchaser BBQ sauces. I was really looking forward to the “work” of giving them all a try and putting them through their paces. Of course, I am using the word “work” very loosely here.

With five different flavors to try, I admit that at first I was wondering if I would be able to discern a difference between the offerings. So what I did was pour a little of each sauce into a bowl marked on the bottom with the flavor. The goal here was to be able to taste the unidentified sauces to determine if the advertised flavors could be detected.

While certainly not considered scientific, accurate, reliable or even creditable the results surprised even one of the world’s biggest skeptics, yours truly. Most people were able to detect the flavor differences, including me.  A lot of folks correctly identified the particular flavor profile of the sauce tasted, pretty cool I thought.

The flavors tested were:

Bacon

Original

Garlic

Habanero

Pineapple/Mango

The next part of my job was what I considered my personal favorite, the pairing of the sauces with food, and then the dining on said food. Well, I had all those bottles of sauce open, what else was I supposed to do, I threw a party. I cooked up several different kinds of meats, veggies and fruits and let the guests decide which sauce they wanted to pair with which food. I have to tell you, some of the pairings were darn tasty. I also have to tell you, we had a ball. Every time someone would hit on what they thought was the winner, others would sample and say “man, that’s great, but you need to try this…”

When it was all said and done, my hands were sticky, my belly was full, and there was a smile on my face along with a few sauce smudges on my chin and spots on my shirt, I was in BBQ heaven. My guests were happy too. What I will tell you is my favorites were Habanero and Original. I have included below a basic recipe I used with the Hab sauce and some grilled pineapple, it makes a great appetizer.

Ron tells me his Habanero Sauce won 1^st place at the 2013 Scovie Awards while the Bacon BBQ sauce placed 3^rd in the unique category. (An interesting footnote, this sauce contains REAL bacon, not just bacon flavoring.) After tasting them, it is easy to see why. The sauces are available on their website http://www.pigchaser.com/index.html   

My suggestion would be to give some (if not all) of these sauces a try. It is also very good to know that Pigchaser Sauces are gluten free, contain no HFCS, are all low sodium and are made with all natural ingredients. Another interesting nugget of information was located on the label of the Bacon BBQ sauce where the words “low fat” appears. Bacon AND low fat? Please Ron, send me some more!

Pigchaser Pineapple Parts (try saying that one ten times fast)

1 fresh pineapple (peeled and cored)

2 cups Pigchaser Habanero BBQ Sauce

1/3 cup of beer

Preheat your grill to a medium high heat

Wisk sauce together with the beer of your choice in a small bowl, drink remaining beer from bottle, then open another. (You don’t want to go thirsty do you?)

Slice the pineapple length ways into ½ inch slices

Carefully grill pineapple until starting to soften and some charring is visible, turning only once if possible.

When finished, dunk pineapple pieces into sauce/beer combo then return to grill to allow sauce to set. (1-2 minutes)

Remove from grill, cut into bit sized pieces, place on platter with toothpicks inserted for easy of eating.

Stand out of the way and keep hands and fingers clear, your guest will love them. 

So you want to be the KCBS Team of the Year…….

You are going to need a few things

The 2012 competition barbecue season is in the books, the KCBS Team of the Year is 3 Eyz BBQ from Owings Mills, Maryland, pitmaster Dan Hixon. I am fortunate to be able to call Dan one of the many friends I have met along the barbecue trail. Dan and I have a bit of history together. Back in 2004 we cooked against each other at the Tailgater Challenge held in conjunction with the Maryland Barbecue Bash a KCBS contest in Bel Air , MD, at the time we hadn’t yet met. Little did we know, our paths would almost cross again in 2006 while we each assisted a different team at the New Holland Summer Fest. It wasn’t until 2007 when I started my own team that we finally met in person, since then we have become close friends.

Dan and I were having lunch together in 2007 or 2008 when we discussed where we would like to go in this crazy world called barbecue. Dan told me that day; his most sought after goal was to become the KCBS team of the year. I remember thinking to myself that was quite a lofty goal, but after getting to know Dan, I only had to guess what year he would achieve his desired quest. To say the man is driven would be an understatement.

Since reaching this plateau, it goes without saying that Dan has been a bit busy. What with juggling the attention of the barbecue world with that pesky “real job” and all. Dan was nice enough to oblige me when I asked him to provide some of the items you may need if you are considering a run at the covenanted coveted title of Team of the Year. Please keep in mind, these are only suggestions and not meant to guarantee wining the TOY crown.

First, you need to go out and purchase an enclosed trailer similar to the model made by Extreme BBQ Trailers. Preferably something with a sleeping compartment and air conditioning, the reasons are obvious. You will be spending a lot time in said trailer while travelling all over the Country and , sometimes in the summer it has been known to get ridiculously warm!

; it can get a bit warm in some States.

The trailer, of course, must be fully equipped with cookers, supplies and all of the necessary accoutrements needed to cook a KCBS contest. These supplies must be continually inventoried and restocked during the contest season to assure you will have everything you will need at each and every event.

While you are at it, make sure you have a dependable, heavy duty truck with a very capable driver (with a lot of free time on their hands and /or an understanding employer) as well as a maintenance or road service policy that is in force. Dan and his team figured they took approximately 70 days off work during their run at the championship, drove 20,000 miles, slept 110 nights on sleeping pads, in a truck or in zero gravity chairs, racked up 13,000 frequent flyer miles and spent a total of 4,752 man hours at the 33 contests they cooked this past year. Oh and I almost forgot to mention the 550 hours of prep before those 33 events, this doesn’t even mention the countless hours spent planning, cleaning up and just thinking about what you have to do or have done.

What follows is a short list of some of the materials you might need for your quest based on figures provided by the 3 Eyz team who, by the way, are meticulous record keepers.

66 briskets

528 pounds of pork butt

264 racks of ribs

1,188 pieces of chicken (are you kidding me?)

99 pounds of rub (good thing they know a guy)

18.5 gallons of sauce

33 gallons of injection

2,178 pounds of charcoal

33 bottles of Patron (a significant cost by itself)

3,300 pounds of ice (better to buy an ice maker)

792 ounces of protein shakes

99 cans of energy drinks

124 cases of water

And last but certainly not least, 17 containers of Monkey Butt Powder (essential, do not skimp here or you will be extremely sorry not to mention very sore)

Additionally, they cooked a total of 46 ancillary or people’s choice contests in their spare time. Note, the above list doesn't take into account contest practice cooks, and if you don’t think these guys are practicing and tweaking continually, you better think again and add time into your schedule.

The results however, can be very rewarding. A rough count for the 3 Eyz squad for the 2012 season is 11 Grand Championships, 6 Reserves, 76 trophies won, 29 ribbons and 125 calls to the stage. That my friends, is a lot of walking, you had better put a pair of comfortable shoes on your list as well.

Please be advised, I am not suggesting that the mere collecting and purchasing of these items is all that is needed to win the KCBS TOY honors or that these things are required to win the crown.  Quite the contrary, you will also need a very understanding spouse, a good bit of experience, steely determination, well-honed skills and yes, even a bit of luck on your side. I am here to tell you that these guys from 3 Eyz BBQ, they had it all in 2012, the entire package. Congratulations fellows, on a job well done, INDEED!

Some thoughts on the dirty bird…

..chicken

 The world of a KCBS competition cook revolves around the four main meats. Sure, at times there are a few ancillary categories which we cook, but for the most part, we spend a good deal of our awake or at least semi-conscious hours thinking about what we can do to improve or get an edge when it comes to the main four. Chicken, ribs, pork and brisket, it’s just what we do.


As many of you are already painfully aware, I spend an inordinate amount of time pondering the why’s and wherefores regarding my feathered friend, the yard-bird. I have a previously self-admitted problem for which I have sought professional help. I spend more time contemplating and practicing my chicken attack than on the rest of the other three meats combined. At a contest, my chicken prep is the most time consuming. When asked to pontificate, chicken is my topic of choice. While cooking our last contest, out of 114 teams my prized and time consuming poultry submission finished a stellar 102nd. Help me, I have fallen and I can’t get up.


 For me, as well as many other competition pitmasters, chicken is a dirty word. In my humble opinion, one of the main reasons consistency in this category is so elusive, is it is next to impossible to look at a piece of chicken and be able to determine how it will cook. Most cooks can look at a brisket, a pork butt or a rack of ribs and judging by the fat color, content, and a few other things can determine if it will be a decent final product. Chicken….not so much, you look at a piece of chicken on a cutting board, it just lays there like a slug, it says nothing to you. Let’s face it, when buying chicken; most times it is a crap shoot. A pack of 10 thighs, could have theoretically have come from 10 different birds, all having slightly different characteristics regarding their meat, especially once they have been cooked. From the same pack, I have gotten thighs that are so large they must have come from some type of pterodactyl and some so small they look as though they were from a sparrow, nonsensical. I have even prepared two breasts from the same pack for my wife and I for dinner, one has been tender, the other tuff, they looked identical. Flummoxed I tell you.


 Even when you taste your chicken on contest morning, if you pick up a thigh and take a bite, how can you be sure those 6 thighs going in the box are going to eat like your tester, you can’t, hope is your only chance. I have even considered trying all my cooked thighs with a small bite, then putting the 6 best tasting specimens into the box, bite mark and all. I checked, there is no rule against putting a half-eaten piece of chicken into the box, as long as there is enough for 6 right? Of course, I am exaggerating here, but you get the point.


 I know some will say I need to use steroid free, organic or free range chicken for my contest cooks, they are of higher quality, tastier, and they are supposed to have a better pedigree. Believe me, I have tried them all. I once drove 100 miles one way to buy chicken from a guy who claimed his birds dinned only on the finest grains, lived in climate controlled condos all with free internet access and a swimming pool, listened to symphony music and were forbidden from watching Jerry Springer, Judge Judy and all other daytime TV gems. Additionally, these birds were read to every night before bedtime, and I am talking Moby Dick, Tom Sawyer, Little Woman, the classics. These were some highbrow and sophisticated birds, definitely higher quality, from different strata, maybe I could taste a slight difference, but the judges surely did not.


 The proof for my hypothesis is in the chicken pudding so to speak. Look at the contest results week to week. This week’s first place chicken walker could be a mid-packer next week, or even worse. Certainly, this can and does occur occasionally in the other three meats, but it is my contention in chicken, it happens more often. It would be my guess, if a team wins chicken today, when they cook it tomorrow, they are pretty much going to do the same things, but again, I do not have any studies to back me up, it is pure conjecture. Hot chicken methods come and go, much to the dismay and frustration of a many a competition cook. There is just no consistency. If you are asking me who is to blame, I say blame the chicken, the damned chicken, at least that is what my therapist says I should do.

Waistlines and winning…is there a connection?

A scientific study?


Now before anyone gets into an uproar and accuses me of attacking those that might be considered “waistline challenged” I assure you, there is very little that would be considered scientific about my studies. For the most part, it is pure conjecture and hocus pocus just like most of my written words are that appear here and there each month. If my words offend anyone, I apologize in advance. There, that should take care of any possible lawsuits. If my words this month have not offended you, please be patient, eventually they will, just give them time.


Now back to the topic, waistlines and winning. It is no secret that many competition barbecue cooks are a notch or two above an extra large in size, just look around. I ask you, where else can a XXX guy with a funny hat, who wears croc’s with socks, has stains on his shirt AND pig suspenders go and feel comfortable BESIDES a barbecue contest? I know the answer already because I am describing myself of course.


I know this answer because, without thinking, I have driven to the grocery store while at a contest without regard to my appearance, in full contest regalia. To say I received a look or two would be a gross understatement. You would think I would at least have had enough sense to remove my hat before becoming a public spectacle. The last time this occurred, while in the checkout line, I overheard a mother whisper to her young child, “you see that man Joey? That is why your Father and I want you to go to collage.” Well, at least I did some good; perhaps the young lad would be motivated by my slightly unkempt, portly, disheveled and comedic appearance and move ahead with an expedited plan of higher learning along with a life-time membership in his local gym.


As of this writing, the completed results of my study are still being reviewed by the board, at this time; the results are not yet conclusive. I am however at liberty to tell you that I think I am onto something, perhaps something earth shattering. I am not talking Nobel Prize winner, yet, let’s wait and see.


My study is based on the fact that, as many of you know, I am a bit long in the waistline and have been for most of my adult life. A continual struggle for which I am sad to say, little real progress has been made. I am much more in tuned with the waistline side of this discussion, because, again as many of you know, I don’t spend an extraordinary amount of time in the barbecue winners circle these days. Most of my observations have been made from the peanut gallery.


While mulling over my daily battle with the scale I determined that perhaps another approach was in order, a different perspective so to speak. Then it hit me, what I needed was some height. Loosing weight has been a huge struggle, getting taller has got to be easier doesn’t it? A quick check of a Googled height/weight chart tells me that based on my current poundage; I only need to be 7’4” or so. (I am estimated on the short side here for obvious reasons) My current height is 5”10” and that is wearing thick socks, I realize have some work to do.


While I was on Google, I figured I would search for a product that would help me in my task. A quick check around the net finds a plethora of products which will help things increase in length, although most are only available from off-shore vendors, I figured, what the heck, it was worth a try.


I ordered and received a couple of lengthening creams. I have been rubbing them regularly on my feet and head in my mission to increase my height. After reading the supplied instructions, I discovered most are not designed for the duty I had in mind. To prevent further embarrassment on my part, I won’t bore you with a lengthy explanation of their intended use.


I am sad to report, as of today, there has been no noticeable increase in stature; in fact, my wife says I am loosing length, although my measurements would say otherwise. It is apparent that more research is needed. The quest will continue, of that, you can be certain. In the outside chance the magical creams I have ordered fail to increase my height or length, depending upon how you look at it, I guess I will be forced to re-engage in the daily battle of the scale. In comparison that will be the easy part, getting into the winners circle a little more often, that, my friends, is where the challenge lies.

Okay, so you don’t want to toss the bums out…..

If we let them stay, let’s see how dedicated they really are.

Caution: This is not a BBQ blog post,it is political, remember, you have been warned.


So this week here in Maryland we are celebrating Senator Barbra Mikulski, she is being recognized as the longest sitting woman in the US Senate. She has been a member of Congress since 1976, 36 years if my arithmetic is correct. (when is the last time you heard the word Arithmetic?) My question is why? Why are we celebrating a person that has been on the public dole for this many years?


I know, I know, I have many friends from above the isle that say folks like Ms Mikulski are dedicated public servants. I say from above the isle, because in my view they are from neither the left nor the right, they must be from outer space, you know, above the isle.


First off, I believe using the word public servant to describe any of our current crop of blood sucking, self pocket lining, scheming, philandering and conniving politicians in my view is blasphemy. If you ask me our men and woman in the armed forces, firefighters, police officers, correctional officers, these are our true public servants. To lump politicians under the same tent as these fine folks is an abomination.


Most of the current crop of alleged public servants down the beltway in DC would run, not walk, the other way when faced with what these folks deal with on a daily basis. With just the least mention of the word trouble or danger you’d better stand clear because most politicos will be dashing away from the scene as if someone just announced early voting was open and there was no one around making sure people only voted once. In other words, it would be a stampede.


I have to tell you, when I hear one of these career politicians or their defenders on TV talking about how elected officials are dedicated to serving the public, their work is not done, they only care about the less fortunate, I want to vomit. Come on folks, who is buying this stuff? Does anyone out there think that these people spend millions of dollars to get a job, then hang onto it for as long as possible for any other reason than lining their own pockets?


What kills me even more is when one of them passes away, many times, they try to slide the guys wife into the spot. I guess the thinking here is the deceased guy cared so much for the down trodden, well, his wife must care to, lets give a family member the job. Makes sense to me. No folks, the only reason these folks want the jobs in Washington is for the money, power and influence. Period. They have wriggled and wrangled the rules and regulations in such a way THEY are the only ones who benefit.


Now, don’t get me wrong, I have seen plenty of people over the years who are really concerned about helping others and serving the greater good. What I have found is our great Country is just loaded with these folks both in the work force as well as on a volunteer level. People who can really be considered public servants are not in it for the money, they are mostly doing it for the feeling of satisfaction they get just by helping another fellow human being. You don’t believe me, just ask them or the people they serve.


So in order to appease my fine friends from the above the isle I have come to offer a compromise of sorts to help put this issue of term limits to rest once and for all, an olive branch so to speak Who ever said I wasn’t agreeable and amicable and not willing to compromise will have to recant, although, I do have one little stipulation. If you are going to let these alleged dedicated people serve for decade after decade because they do such good work and care only for the people, we are going to have to put a small little codicil into place just to assure they are genuine. Not that I have any doubt you understand.


I here by propose that all newly elected members of Congress must declare upon taking their oath of office, their entire net worth. This figure would be recorded next to their name. Upon leaving office, the GAO would calculate their years of service. The beginning net worth figure would be allowed to increase each year they have served by a percentage based on whatever the gang on the Potomac decided was the cost of living increase given to folks on Social Security that year. If a 2% cost of living raise was afforded, the dedicated public servant (and I use the term loosely) would be able to increase his net worth by 2% for that year, no more. Any monies accumulated above this figure by those so interested in serving and helping the underprivileged would be returned to the coffers to help offset the Nation Debt, a win win.


A win win because we would be reducing the debt with the help of the very folks that created the debt in the first place. After all, why should we the taxpayers be the only ones charged with the task? The second win would be, and you can bet your bottom dollar on this one, we’d see more than a 1 or 2% cost of living adjustment each year if it was driving what Congress was able to steal, I mean earn while in office. Guaranteed.


If these people are so dedicated to serving the greater good as they allege this set up shouldn’t be a problem. I reiterate, look around you, look at the people that are really helping others in hospitals and soup kitchens. They really aren’t in it for the money, THEY ARE in it for the greater good, these folks are real life public servants. Not to be confused with those knuckleheads in Washington jetting over our heads and racing past us in big SUV’s with a police escort because they are much to busy or important to wait in traffic like the rest of us worker bees. In my humble opinion, implementation of this plan, which of course is a complete pipe dream on my part, would certainly separate the wheat from the chaff when it comes to the character of our beloved elected officials.


It is a well know fact that most members of Congress come to Washington already in pretty good financial shape. The majority, especially from the Senate side, leave (or are carried out) as millionaires and billionaires. So I think the chances that Congress will adopt my proposal is about as good as me winning the starring role on the next season of The Bachelor. That would be of course, IF I was single and IF I was good looking and IF I was 30 years younger, none of which seems to be the case for sure. Asking Congressmen to serve without huge financial gain sounds like a great idea to me, I don’t understand why they wouldn’t support my proposal, because, after all, they aren’t in it for the money or are they?

THE BIG MEAT SLICER

A test drive of sorts


Mike Fay is the President of the Mid Atlantic Barbecue Association. He is also the pit master for his own barbecue team Aporkalypse Now. In his spare time, he cooks with Jack’s Old South BBQ Team. When he is not cooking BBQ, he is thinking BBQ. So it is of no surprise to me that when he contacted the folks at Wusthof knifes with an idea he had for developing a knife for use by competition BBQ teams, they were more than receptive.


When Mike asked me to test drive the new knife I was a bit apprehensive as I am a self proclaimed electric knife kind of guy. I will freely admit, anytime I need to slice, if possible the Cuisinart is coming out. So what I am saying here is the test is being conducted by a manual slicer challenged person or MSCP for short. I guess in today’s politically correct world it is still ok to refer to one as slicer challenged, if not, I apologize in advance for any of you who may be offended. For those that are not offended, just give me a minute, I’ll get around to you sooner or later.


First few tidbits from the designer, the knife is “34cm (14inch) long thin bladed slider 54mm deep at the heel with a radius cutting edge hollow ground to reduce drag. The advantage to the radius is that the whole blade edge isn’t engaging the object to be sliced at the same time allowing for even less drag, yet still making a continuous cut with no saw markings.”


Mike goes on to say, “The other plus to the radius design on the blade is that when you make a draw cut (pull the blade toward you) the physiology of your arm causes your elbow to lift up, causing you to change the angle of attack of the blade. On a straight traditional slicer you either end up cutting with the very tip of the blade or break your wrist to allow the blade to remain flat, reducing your leverage. The radius blade allows you to maintain maximum leverage by not having to break your wrist while the cutting edge still tracks parallel to the food.”


I don’t know about all of that arm tracking and angle of attack on the meat but here is what I do know. I cooked a brisket flat and pork butt to act as test specimens for my scientific experimentation. I first tried my hand with the brisket. Keeping in mind I am self admitted MSCP. I was able to slice the brisket into various thicknesses with one draw of the knife, from very thin to, as contest cuts go, very thick. Mike had told me the knife was designed to cut on the draw, not going forward.


I did find it necessary to hold my thumb in the vicinity of the cut on the side of the meat closest to my body to avoid tearing the bark. I found with a little practice, I was able to produce slices of even thickness, all with just on stroke, just like he said. The same held true when I cut the pork. I first sliced the money muscle, then a few other choice muscles, all with similar results.


Being from Maryland and a proponent of pit beef sandwiches I thought what the heck, why not give the blade a go on a nice hunk of pit cooked top round. Years ago, at the numerous “Bull Roasts” held around the State, the ONLY way to slice the beef was with a blade. Knife skills were needed to get thin slices and those using an electric meat slicer were thought to be serving lesser product. In the past 15-20 years most pit beef cookers have all went to deli slicers. With this move knife skills for most went away as well.


I am happy to report the “Big Meat Slicer” tore through the top round like a champ. The knife turned out mound after mound of prime sandwich slices. That is, once I got the hang of it. After using the product for a day or two it seemed even I, a known MSCP, could slice meat like the butchers of yesteryear. That is really saying something, about the knife I mean.


Overall, the knife performed as advertised if not better in my humble opinion. With a little practice, even I was able to turn out a decent slice, time after time. My only suggestion would be to include in the accompanying paperwork some instruction noting the knife is designed to cut on the back stroke. If you purchase one, be sure to add an order for a large sized blade cover, chances are, you won’t have anything large enough in your current knife bag, this thing is the Ultimate Big Meat Slicer for sure.


Wusthof Ultimate Big Meat Slicer
$139.000
Available at www.mabbqa.com